haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
