just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
