I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm always down for nudity.
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