She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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