and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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