i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
