I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
