So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
