yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
