I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
