i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
