he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
