the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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