I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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