she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
