my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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