Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
