The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
