I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
