so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
