after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
