If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
