Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
