You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
