my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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