There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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