I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
