Welp...herpes.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
