I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
