It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
