I think this baby is eyeing my beer
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I forget how to act sober
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
