yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
