She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
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