I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
