apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
