So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
