My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
