I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
