i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
