Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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