the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
