Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Even my vagina gasped.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
