so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
