Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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