So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
