im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
