help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
