What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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