Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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