I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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